As we grow up, we are usually taught that our brains hold important information and our thoughts are sharing that helpful information with us. We are encouraged to think through every decision before taking action. In addition, along the way, we learn to trust our thoughts to make the “right” choices for ourselves. It isn’t often that we are told to question them, but when we start to struggle with our mental health, there are many reasons that we should. Some of the biases of the brain’s approach to thinking can greatly affect how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.
When you consider the amount of information our brains receive in the modern world, with information and communication available at our fingertips, these biases and mental shortcuts make sense! However, they do create some risk when you’re letting your thoughts lead the way.
Some approaches to therapy work on changing the thoughts themselves. For instance, in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, you and your therapist may work on identifying “thought traps” or cognitive distortions and then practice replacing those thoughts with more true and realistic thoughts. Since your thoughts affect your feelings and behavior, the goal is to make change at the root starting with those unhelpful thoughts.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the work focuses on creating distance between ourselves and our thoughts. Practice will help in navigating life guided by values rather than thoughts. For instance, one of the simplest ways to work on cognitive defusion is through sharing the thoughts out loud. When thoughts are kept inside and we attempt to hide or bury them away, they often just grow and grow. Our avoidance of them gives them power, but sharing them out loud takes that power away. Whether you share them with a trusted friend or family member, journal them out or work with a therapist from to release these thoughts, the impact of that alone can be powerful.
Another approach is singing the thought to help lower its power over you – it is just a bunch of words after all! You can say it in a silly voice, or you can repeat it or write it 50 times to take its impact and meaning away. You can also respond to the thought: “Thank you for trying to help, but I’ve got this!” and wave it goodbye. One of my favorite metaphors to help explain cognitive defusion is imagining that all of your thoughts are clouds – sometimes light and airy, sometimes
heavy and gray, sometimes many, sometimes few. They come and go, but it doesn’t matter, because you are always the sky.
For children, my favorite method of cognitive defusion is giving the thought a new source. Rather than it being a thought from their brain, it is just the worry monster, anger monster, or sad monster popping up again. We may draw the monster – What do they look like? What do they want? What do they need? By personifying the thought, the child can separate themselves from it and treat it as the monster’s message instead of identifying with it, fearing it or being ashamed of it.
Regardless of how you practice cognitive defusion, it may make all the difference when you find your mind is being more of a bully than a buddy! Add in some mindfulness, acceptance and value-aligned action, and you may find yourself becoming unstuck and more able to bring those changes you’ve been hoping for to life.
Kelsey Terrell is a Graduate Student Intern with the Mindly Group studying Mental Health Counseling.
